we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
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If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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