I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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