Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
BRING THE BAGELS
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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