I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
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Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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