Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
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I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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