All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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