I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
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The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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