Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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