ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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