i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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