and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
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I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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