I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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