eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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