he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize