Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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