Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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