At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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