I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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