I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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