You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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