I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
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Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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