sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize