Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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