I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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