dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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