That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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