its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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