im drinking this country out of the recession.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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