Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
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