just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Operation Purity has been aborted
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I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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