i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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