Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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