she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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