Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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