it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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