We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
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I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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