can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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