Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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