they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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