So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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