Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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