My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Randomize