i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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