i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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