So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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