she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
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I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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