Im at strip club and am horny
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize