thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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