sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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