Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
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he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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